Kaz Matsui!

Why does Kaz Matsui going down with a hamstring problem make me happy? Let's enumerate the ways:

1. The easiest way to convince the average fan in an average sports debate that a signing was bad is when the player is consistently hurt (see: fissure, anal). Even though logically it's not fair or correct to assume that the front office knew that the player was going to be hurt, it's really convincing.

2. Mark Loretta is a decent ballplayer, and I still can't figure out why Matsui's on our team if we already have Loretta. The only thing Matsui exceeds Loretta in accomplishing is stealing bases; Loretta stole one last year, four the year before, and has never swiped more than nine, whereas Matsui hits the DL with fifteen already. So when we sign another aging second-baseman who slaps singles and plays at least passable defense, why do we hang on to the other one? Oh, and Loretta's making $2.75m this year out of arbitration in February, after we signed Matsui for $16.5m over three years in December. Remember that Wile E. Coyote bit where he's mixing the Trinitrotoluene in the shed and he says "Wile E. Coyote, soooooooper geeeeeeenius"? Ed Wade, soooooooper geeeeeeenius.

3. We have a guy at Corpus Christi named Stephen Sutton, who turns 25 on the 30th of June (.304/.389/.478, 53, 8, 33) with absolutely zero solid-hitting second basemen at Round Rock (RR, see what I did there?), all of them hitting well below Edwin Maysonet, a defensive whiz shortstop. I understand I don't manage the minor league team, so attitudes aside, but really, shouldn't we as Astros fans look towards the future of the team considering without pitching, we ain't goin' nowheres?

4. Kaz has a personal trainer stipulated for his exclusive use provided by the club in his contract. I don't feel bad for the guy; I just hope the trainer is hot.