Kaz Matsui!

Why does Kaz Matsui going down with a hamstring problem make me happy? Let's enumerate the ways:

1. The easiest way to convince the average fan in an average sports debate that a signing was bad is when the player is consistently hurt (see: fissure, anal). Even though logically it's not fair or correct to assume that the front office knew that the player was going to be hurt, it's really convincing.

2. Mark Loretta is a decent ballplayer, and I still can't figure out why Matsui's on our team if we already have Loretta. The only thing Matsui exceeds Loretta in accomplishing is stealing bases; Loretta stole one last year, four the year before, and has never swiped more than nine, whereas Matsui hits the DL with fifteen already. So when we sign another aging second-baseman who slaps singles and plays at least passable defense, why do we hang on to the other one? Oh, and Loretta's making $2.75m this year out of arbitration in February, after we signed Matsui for $16.5m over three years in December. Remember that Wile E. Coyote bit where he's mixing the Trinitrotoluene in the shed and he says "Wile E. Coyote, soooooooper geeeeeeenius"? Ed Wade, soooooooper geeeeeeenius.

3. We have a guy at Corpus Christi named Stephen Sutton, who turns 25 on the 30th of June (.304/.389/.478, 53, 8, 33) with absolutely zero solid-hitting second basemen at Round Rock (RR, see what I did there?), all of them hitting well below Edwin Maysonet, a defensive whiz shortstop. I understand I don't manage the minor league team, so attitudes aside, but really, shouldn't we as Astros fans look towards the future of the team considering without pitching, we ain't goin' nowheres?

4. Kaz has a personal trainer stipulated for his exclusive use provided by the club in his contract. I don't feel bad for the guy; I just hope the trainer is hot.

Welcome Home, Bitches

As is noted above, it's time to come home. Any baseball fan stuck on a coast who is in desperate need of a place to talk about some flyover state baseball, any fan in a flyover state stuck rooting for someone like the freakin' goddamn Cubs because they live on the north side of Chicago and that's all anybody seems to think exists in the baseball world is that goddamn curse and that piss-smelling stadium, or someone just interested in any of the authors of the site (ya know ya are ya dirty bitch), this is your place.

This was going to start as a blog by myself called "The Telescope", about watching the Astros from afar, but apparently fat girls aged 12-14 in 2001-2002 liked the idea of a blog called "The Telescope", and thetelescope.com links to a site about remembering Hurricane Katrina victims. Nixed that right quick.

Okay, some initial housekeeping details before we delve into why Kaz Matsui was the most unnecessary signing by the Astros in their history - I am the Astros guy. I'll also pick up some Royals, Reds, and Twins stuff because I'm a sucker for underachievers (organizations, not players. I root for Northwestern, you're starting to see the picture). I live in Boston, so if you see any East Coast Bias, please fix it in the comments.

As far as the other authors and their allegiances, it will become painfully obvious. And hopefully there will be turf wars.

So that cherry's popped. Let's get down to beisbol.